It came out a little shorter than I wanted, especially my bangs. They'll look longer if I flat iron them, though. Later today I'm going to strip the black out from my hair and recolor it burgundy!
What do you think?
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Hair Update
So I got my hair cut yesterday! My head still hurts from it. I told the girl to be careful because I have really severe scalp pain, and she was very cautious, but my hair is super thick and resistant to being combed so some pulling was inevitable.
It came out a little shorter than I wanted, especially my bangs. They'll look longer if I flat iron them, though. Later today I'm going to strip the black out from my hair and recolor it burgundy!
It came out a little shorter than I wanted, especially my bangs. They'll look longer if I flat iron them, though. Later today I'm going to strip the black out from my hair and recolor it burgundy!
Friday, August 7, 2015
The Hair Problem
My fellow spoonies will understand this situation.
A few months ago, I was forced to cut my hair. I'd been putting it off for over a year. I loved my long, naturally curly, beautiful hair. I'd been slowly and painstakingly growing it for years. But as I got sicker, it got more and more difficult to take care of it. It tangled constantly, and I was too tired to brush out the matted knots twice a day. Plus, the unbearable scalp pain meant that I had almost constant headaches and migraines from brushing it.
I tried putting it in dreadlocks, which was fine for a few months. But I couldn't even take care of those - those necessary constant palm-rolling and upkeep was still too much. Plus, I struggled with the ethical problem of whether or not I was appropriating my hairstyle. So eventually, crying all the while, I hacked it off in my bathroom sink and brushed out the remainder of the dreads. I chopped it to a much more manageable (but in my mind, horrifically ugly) short bob. I cut it as short as I could bear.
It's been about three months since then. I still hate my hair. I cannot stand my short hair. I think it is frizzy, uneven, and ugly. To make matters worse, it's been growing in uneven. Since I cut it, I have very rarely gone out in public without a bandanna, head scarf, or wig. It's now grown long enough that it's starting to tangle again.
Originally, I had been hoping that over time I would figure out a solution, so that I could grow my hair back out enough to put in extensions for my wedding next year. I do not want to have pictures of myself in my family's photo albums with ugly hair. I am ashamed of my hair. It has gone from my favorite feature to the thing I hate more than anything. It is a constant reminder of the things my illness has stripped from me.
My FMIL is getting married next week, and she informed my fiancee that I was not allowed to wear my wig to the wedding. I am absolutely crushed. We were not anticipating this, so not only am I wracked with anxiety about my appearance, but it's going to be a huge financial burden for us to pay someone to make my hair remotely acceptable. I have four-inch roots, so we're going to have to pay someone to cut it AND color it. We're looking at anywhere from $50 to over $100, money that we don't have. I hate getting my hair done, because stylists rarely know how to handle my hair type, they don't do what I want, and it always comes out ugly. And now I will be stuck with ugly, horrible hair in family pictures, which is exactly what I didn't want. If we can't afford to get my hair done and I can't wear my wig, then I won't go to the wedding. Being poor and chronically ill is just very difficult sometimes.
A few months ago, I was forced to cut my hair. I'd been putting it off for over a year. I loved my long, naturally curly, beautiful hair. I'd been slowly and painstakingly growing it for years. But as I got sicker, it got more and more difficult to take care of it. It tangled constantly, and I was too tired to brush out the matted knots twice a day. Plus, the unbearable scalp pain meant that I had almost constant headaches and migraines from brushing it.
I tried putting it in dreadlocks, which was fine for a few months. But I couldn't even take care of those - those necessary constant palm-rolling and upkeep was still too much. Plus, I struggled with the ethical problem of whether or not I was appropriating my hairstyle. So eventually, crying all the while, I hacked it off in my bathroom sink and brushed out the remainder of the dreads. I chopped it to a much more manageable (but in my mind, horrifically ugly) short bob. I cut it as short as I could bear.
It's been about three months since then. I still hate my hair. I cannot stand my short hair. I think it is frizzy, uneven, and ugly. To make matters worse, it's been growing in uneven. Since I cut it, I have very rarely gone out in public without a bandanna, head scarf, or wig. It's now grown long enough that it's starting to tangle again.
Originally, I had been hoping that over time I would figure out a solution, so that I could grow my hair back out enough to put in extensions for my wedding next year. I do not want to have pictures of myself in my family's photo albums with ugly hair. I am ashamed of my hair. It has gone from my favorite feature to the thing I hate more than anything. It is a constant reminder of the things my illness has stripped from me.
My FMIL is getting married next week, and she informed my fiancee that I was not allowed to wear my wig to the wedding. I am absolutely crushed. We were not anticipating this, so not only am I wracked with anxiety about my appearance, but it's going to be a huge financial burden for us to pay someone to make my hair remotely acceptable. I have four-inch roots, so we're going to have to pay someone to cut it AND color it. We're looking at anywhere from $50 to over $100, money that we don't have. I hate getting my hair done, because stylists rarely know how to handle my hair type, they don't do what I want, and it always comes out ugly. And now I will be stuck with ugly, horrible hair in family pictures, which is exactly what I didn't want. If we can't afford to get my hair done and I can't wear my wig, then I won't go to the wedding. Being poor and chronically ill is just very difficult sometimes.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
The Struggle
Some days I just can't get anything done.
I'm trying to read Culture of the Teutons, and I can't focus long enough to read more than a paragraph or two.
My stomach is growling, but we don't have any more "easy food" to make, and I don't really have the energy to cook something. Even just mac and cheese.
I don't really want to complain, I want to express how I feel, and right now I just feel tired.
I'm trying to read Culture of the Teutons, and I can't focus long enough to read more than a paragraph or two.
My stomach is growling, but we don't have any more "easy food" to make, and I don't really have the energy to cook something. Even just mac and cheese.
I don't really want to complain, I want to express how I feel, and right now I just feel tired.
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